Friday Poetry: "For Mom"

Hi, lovelies! Today was a very, very good day in terms of writing. I went to Starbucks with a friend this afternoon and we talked about books and Wizards - you know, just a normal, everyday conversation! - and then, after he left, I relocated to the library and wrote one short story, a couple of poems, and more of FH's sequel, plus of course editing FH itself. IT FELT REALLY GOOD. :D I haven't done that much writing in awhile - I kind of got caught up in it, hence this post being technically on Saturday (it's around 1 AM here - I can already tell this is going to be one of those staying-up-till-4-in-the-morning-writing-nights!).

So today I wanted to talk about somebody who's really cool and plays a huge part in my life: my mom! As I'm sure you all know, Mother's Day is this Sunday. I wasn't entirely sure what to get Mom this year, because I'm really not very good at giving gifts. But even though I've already written her a few things before, I thought she might appreciate this (since apparently she reads my blog, which is a phenomenon I actually had NO IDEA OF until a couple of weeks ago when she casually dropped a reference to one of my posts at dinner and stared at me smugly until I got the hint. Nice, Mom). ;)

But in all seriousness, I actually have a pretty awesome family (shhh, don't tell them I said that! I'll never live it down!), and I hope this is an okay gift for Mother's Day. Thanks for everything, Mom. xx

love, Topaz

For Mom

I think all of us know that I am not a poet.

I think all of us know that I am simply just a child stringing together wreaths of dandelion syllables hoping that they might form some cohesive beauty in fragmented lines and spaces that mean more than the words that came before them;

I think all of us know that I have always been not a poet, but a little girl playing with words not a master, but an apprentice trying to find her voice,

and it is difficult, sometimes, to translate feelings into language, all these rumbling tumbling emotions that make my mind spin and my heart whirl in awe and I don’t know all the steps I have taken on this journey only that if I look back along the sand, all of my footprints seem to be right alongside yours

because you see, I am only now just starting to understand everything that you have done and have yet to do all the horrors you have protected me from and all the risks you let me take even though your heart must have been beating out of your ribcage just watching as I took the first baby steps towards freedom

and it is hard, I think, if only from seeing the ever-growing battle behind your eyes because you do want the best for me but at the same time it is difficult when one half of me is desperate to stay with you and the other half longs to fly away and it is your job to make sure that I don’t soar too close to the sun

baby steps, mom.

baby steps.

here’s something you should know: you’re doing okay.

(and if you were dad, here is the part where you would stand up from your office chair and come into my room with your eyebrows furrowed in bewilderment and ask me if you were not doing better than okay)

but please remember this: I am simply a child weaving dandelion wreaths stringing together syllables of wonder at the world and I know you worry that I am growing up at a million miles an hour,

but mom, it’ll be fine. just keep doing what you’re doing because all of us have made too many mistakes and coloured outside the lines too many times but if it got us where we are today then I think all the mistakes were worth it in the end and no matter where the future takes us,

here’s another thing you should know: it’s not easy to fly too close to the sun when someone like you is behind me to catch me if I ever fall.