I Have Reappeared!

Hi lovelies!

I'm back!

*jazz hands*

If you follow me on Twitter, you might have seen the hastily-scrawled tweet announcing that I was taking a break from social media + blogging + emails for a few days while I got myself together.

Though, judging by the volume of concerned emails I received, many of you do not. Follow me on Twitter, that is.

Thanks a lot.

(Okay, okay, but in all seriousness, you guys are so sweet - and I'm very sorry you had to wait for so long to get a reply. See? I'm not dead!)

A lot has happened in the past week, though, and I think I should probably update you all on that. I won't file this under Me Me Me Monday because that's usually talking about my weekend, and this one is really more of an update on my mental health and generally how I've been doing.

So, after I wrote that slightly sad post on Monday, I decided to schedule a meeting with a counsellor just to check in and make sure I wasn't going crazy or anything, because that whole random-bouts-of-sadness-for-no-apparent-reason thing has been happening a lot more frequently lately and it's somewhat worrying. Plus I've been feeling really down, also for no apparent reason, for way too long, so I thought I should probably get that checked out too.

The meeting went pretty well - the counsellor was lovely and we talked about my family and school and friends and other things that might be triggering this. Unfortunately didn't really get to the bottom of that, so I have another meeting with her on Wednesday.

Then on Thursday, I had a pretty bad panic attack.

(Here's some info on that, for those of you who aren't familiar with them - I've been having them sporadically for two-ish years now, and, in my experience, a lot of people don't know what that constitutes.)

Unfortunately, I'd neglected to clue my family in on the above information, because apparently I am a huge idiot sometimes, so my dad pretty much freaked out and did all the wrong things. It took me a really long time to calm down, I wasn't able to get any work done after that, I didn't sleep at all, and, in short: it majorly sucked.

I think my parents were pretty shocked, so they scheduled a blood test for me on Saturday, just to see if I have a mineral deficiency or something physiological that might be causing the perpetual sadness + random bouts of crying + panic attacks deal. It was okay - it hurt a little, but mostly I was just really tired afterwards, since I had to fast the day before in order to get rid of any sugar and things in my blood. My test results are going to come back sometime soon as well.

So! That was my week!

It was rather eventful, as you may have inferred.

Honestly, I think my family's a lot more worried about all this than I am - but then, they don't really have much experience with this kind of thing and I've been dealing with it for the past two years, so I guess that's explainable, haha ;) I don't really know what's going to happen next - the counsellor I talked to said that it might be something to do with hormones being weird or it might be clinical depression or it might be something in between, but I guess we'll see if it's physiological once the test results come back.

So, yeah. I'll keep you guys updated on how this goes - I'm just filing it under the ambiguous tag of "sadness" on the blog until we figure out exactly what's going on, and then we'll go from there.

I'm sorry for the random absence, lovelies - I promise I'll do emails and start catching up on various projects as soon as possible, but I just needed last week to focus on myself!

love, Topaz

ETA: Okay, so more info has been discovered and the tag has now been changed to Adventures in Zombieland, because living with depression (because we figured out what it is!) is kind of like being one. A zombie, that is.