Oh dear. It has been a difficult week. Winter break has come to an end and school is here once more. Which, in itself, is not such a bad thing - but it seems my medication is bent on acting up at the least convenient moments, and so my hyperacusis has been flaring (and with it, the anxiety) - not so wonderful when I am also attempting to adjust to a new semester.
We are thinking it may be a dosage issue. No guarantees yet, but I have an appointment with my psychiatrist this weekend, and so hopefully we will be able to get it sorted out.
It's a tough thing, especially now, because I feel as if this mental illness is forcing me to miss out on so many things that I wish I could be doing. Things as simple as Friday Poetry, which I have been skipping more and more often. Or calls with my critique group - I have not attended one in weeks, though I used to come to every single call. Even going out with my friends is an exercise in anxiety; we live in a city surrounded with light and noise, which is so very difficult.
But I have heard that medication is sometimes a trial-and-error type of situation, and so I am hoping we'll be able to find the right dosage of meds combined with therapy. All of this feels endless some days.
However, in slightly more optimistic news: I have, at least, been writing copiously. Since the night I suffered from writing-induced insomnia, it seems that the words are flowing so beautifully. I have been writing short stories, mostly, the kind suffused with stardust but also a dash of melancholy, and they are so wonderful to take my mind off of the way things are in real life at the moment.
I am not quite sure what will become of these pieces yet - or, truly, whether they are any good at all - but for now, I am just glad to be writing so much. The rest will come later, I think.
Things I have been reading: Type & Pixel's post on balancing blogging and depression (such a lovely reminder, especially now); Oliver Burkeman on looking at one's work from a new perspective (I too have used the 8 pt font trick!); Rain Chudori's Monsoon Tiger and Other Stories (I don't love it too much so far, to be honest, because there are copious grammatical errors that I find difficult to overlook - but I have heard wonderful reviews on the stories themselves, and so I will stick with it).
So that is how I have been lately.