Hello friends! It appears I've survived the first week of school; despite the alarming lack of writing time, it actually went quite well, I believe. I have minimal homework, so I'm planning on spending most of tomorrow at the library catching up on FH and other various writerly endeavours. Looking forward to that! This week's Friday Poetry was meant to be posted last week, but unfortunately that pesky internet thing played up on me and I wasn't able to share it with you guys. Nevertheless, here it is once more - second time lucky, hopefully? - with minor revisions. I've been experimenting lately with staggering stanzas over periods of time to show the progression of emotions. I'm actually quite liking it so far! Please do let me know what you think of this one... as always, your feedback is greatly appreciated.
Have a wonderful weekend, everyone! xx
Thoughts of You
it is 3:27 am, and thoughts of you are killing me.
you see, the bed is so much bigger without your presence to fill it up, and the hours spent staring at the water stains on the ceiling grow longer and longer, because it seems that dawn's pink rays are sleeping in and if I turned my head right now, perhaps your shadow would be plastered against the wall a reminder of the shadows of words I never quite managed to voice,
because darling, there was always an intensity about you, a fire in your eyes that I never saw waver and it made my tongue clumsy and knew the secret to sending my heart's speedometer soaring of course, I never imagined that I would be the one to get burnt by it,
but here I am, and it is 4:06 am, and thoughts of you are killing me.
sometimes I think you saved my life just by being there when everyone else was swept away, and sometimes I think maybe that’s not true, maybe it was me that saved yours,
but you loved like you fought, fast and fierce and with a wildness that fuelled that spark that insatiable glimmer of starlight in your eyes and the stars are not out tonight, but all the same I find myself wondering if perhaps we could have been a constellation, a legend of two people who jumped too high and fell too hard and missed each other's arms -
but it’s too late now, because it is 5:59 am, and thoughts of you are killing me.
and I’m running out of words to tell you to show you this empty ache in my chest where you should be, and darling, is this another thing that you’ve stolen from me? the feeling that I am whole, that there is nothing left to want?
I love(d) you, by the way, except all those times we whispered it to each other, maybe we were just lying to ourselves. maybe there was nothing we could have done to save each other from our own demons, and maybe despite what the four walls of this room your room and so many motels think –
maybe it was just never meant to be.
and all the maybes can pile up one on top of the other, but they won’t matter, because it is 6:11 am, and thoughts of you are killing me.
but I’ve tried navigating the world without you by my side, and I’ve learned that I can stand on my own two feet, have learned that I don’t need to lean on you – but that doesn’t mean I don’t wish I still could and there’s no one now to ask why, but I’ve turned it over in my head so many times that it doesn’t sound like a word anymore. and darling, tell me this: was it because I was a dying star, and you – you were a galaxy?
and the cotton candy light of dawn is filtering through the windows, and time dances out of my desperate grasp, because birds are singing anew even though the storm has far from passed –
and it is 7:02 am, and oh, darling, thoughts of you are killing me.