Friday Poetry: "For Mom"

For someone who means more to me than she will ever know. Thank you for everything, Mom. xx

For Mom

I think all of us know that I am not a poet.

I think all of us know that I am simply just a child
stringing together wreaths of dandelion syllables
hoping that they might form some cohesive beauty
in fragmented lines and spaces that mean more
than the words that came before them;

I think all of us know that I have always been
not a poet, but a little girl playing with words
not a master, but an apprentice trying to find her voice,

and it is difficult, sometimes,
to translate feelings into language, all these
rumbling tumbling emotions that make
my mind spin and my heart whirl in awe
and I don’t know all the steps I have taken on this journey
only that if I look back along the sand,
all of my footprints seem to be right alongside yours

because you see, I am only now just starting to understand
everything that you have done and have yet to do
all the horrors you have protected me from
and all the risks you let me take even though your heart
must have been beating out of your ribcage just watching
as I took the first baby steps towards freedom

and it is hard, I think, if only from seeing
the ever-growing battle behind your eyes
because you do want the best for me
but at the same time it is difficult when
one half of me is desperate to stay with you
and the other half longs to fly away
and it is your job to make sure that I don’t soar
too close to the sun

baby steps, mom.

baby steps.

here’s something you should know:
you’re doing okay.

(and if you were dad, here is the part where
you would stand up from your office chair
and come into my room with your eyebrows
furrowed in bewilderment and ask me if
you were not doing better than okay)

but please remember this:
I am simply a child weaving dandelion wreaths
stringing together syllables of wonder at the world
and I know you worry that I am growing up
at a million miles an hour,

but mom, it’ll be fine.
just keep doing what you’re doing
because all of us have made too many mistakes
and coloured outside the lines too many times
but if it got us where we are today
then I think all the mistakes were worth it in the end
and no matter where the future takes us,

here’s another thing you should know:
it’s not easy to fly too close to the sun
when someone like you is behind me
to catch me if I ever fall.