a couple more things that are good (part v)

(Because, judging from the emails I have been receiving from you lovelies lately, I have a feeling we all need the reminder.)

i. Girls' nights. I think perhaps the ritual of them is what delights me so - the sense of kinship formed so effortlessly among a group of people whose souls perfectly intersect with one another for a single night. How soothing it is to paint each other's nails & eat more cookie batter than you actually bake & watch ridiculous cheesy films & speak of things that may, on the surface, seem mundane, but really mean universes to those special few who are in on the secret. How beautiful it is to be in on the secret.

ii. The car ride home after an evening of exhausting happiness - how your eyelids are pleasantly weighed down, limbs ready to be cradled by soft linen, everything enveloped in a rather quiet silvery haze.

iii. Ridiculously long phone calls. You know the ones: they're meant to be a half hour but end up taking five, as if the magic is stretched out like bubblegum or preserved in amber, & you are not quite sure how all of that time soared by so swiftly, slipping through the crannies & across the seas, only that the other person's voice is the whole bright wide sky & you cannot imagine a time when it was not singing, warm & soft, in your chest.

iv. Music. Of course, of course, of course.

v. The writing in not-writing. I've come to believe this part of the process is the most important by far: soaking up the rain, twirling in the grass, chasing shards of sun, wholly existing inside of this miracle called life without any obligation to write it all down. And then, of course, writing it all down anyway, because that is what you were made to do, because there is no other alternative, because writing it all down is part of the wonder of it. And all this light.

vi. Turning the last page of an old favourite book & feeling indescribably, unfathomably whole. That spark of something breathless & shining & familiar & real. It's something like finding, or like remembering, or like coming home.

vii. Unexpected good news. Case in point: I recently learned that I received the Best Actress award at the Singapore International Student Film Festival for my tiny swelling film SUPERNOVAThe news came on a rather horrible day, & I spent the rest of it floating around in a half-here-half-not state of shock & joy. To be quite honest, I never thought I would win any acting awards at all... &, even now, I'm not quite sure how to piece all of this honour into coherent words. Isn't that grain of unbelievability so tender & lovely, the way good news knocks you down out of the blue & swallows you in its unfathomable, dreaming warmth? After all this time & no time at all, I think I'm finally learning how to chase that feeling. I think I'm learning how to hold it close.


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