Snapshots | January 13th

Oh dear. It has been a difficult week.

Winter break has come to an end and school is here once more. Which, in itself, is not such a bad thing—but it seems my medication is bent on acting up at the least convenient moments, and so my hyperacusis has been flaring (and with it, the anxiety)—not so wonderful when I am also attempting to adjust to a new semester.

We are thinking it may be a dosage issue. No guarantees yet, but I have an appointment with my psychiatrist this weekend, and so hopefully we will be able to get it sorted out.

It's a tough thing, especially now, because I feel as if this mental illness is forcing me to miss out on so many things that I wish I could be doing. Things as simple as Friday Poetry, which I have been skipping more and more often. Or calls with my critique group—I have not attended one in weeks, though I used to come to every single call. Even going out with my friends is an exercise in anxiety; we live in a city surrounded with light and noise, which is so very difficult.

But I have heard that medication is sometimes a trial-and-error type of situation, and so I am hoping we'll be able to find the right dosage of meds combined with therapy. All of this feels endless some days.

However, in slightly more optimistic news: I have, at least, been writing copiously. Since the night I suffered from writing-induced insomnia, it seems that the words are flowing so beautifully. I have been writing short stories, mostly, the kind suffused with stardust but also a dash of melancholy, and they are so wonderful to take my mind off of the way things are in real life at the moment.

I am not quite sure what will become of these pieces yet—or, truly, whether they are any good at all—but for now, I am just glad to be writing so much. The rest will come later, I think.

Things I have been reading: Oliver Burkeman on looking at one's work from a new perspective (I too have used the 8 pt font trick!) & Rain Chudori's Monsoon Tiger and Other Stories (I don't love it too much so far, to be honest, because there are copious grammatical errors that I find difficult to overlook—but I have heard wonderful reviews on the stories themselves, and so I will stick with it).

So that is how I have been lately.

And you?