me me me monday

Me Me Me Monday (42)

Hi all!

Oh, goodness, it's been a long weekend. I feel like the world is spinning far too fast for me these days; I kind of wish it would stop for awhile and give me time to find my feet and relearn how to breathe again.

But it doesn't look like that's going to happen anytime soon, and so I spent the majority of these past few days trying rather unsuccessfully to fight off sadness/anxiety. I'm going into this week even more exhausted than I came out of the last one, so we'll see how it goes. If anything, this is not exactly a new occurrence; at least I'll know what to expect on the mental health front.

I did finish a gorgeous book over the weekend, though, one that'd been on my TBR for ages: Speak, by Laurie Halse Anderson. It's a remarkable and beautifully-written story. Highly recommended. And I would be remiss not to mention that the main character displays symptoms of both PTSD and depression - while it's never officially diagnosed, seeing mentally ill characters in books is always such a comforting thing.

Musically, I've been marathoning The Paper Kites. They've always been one of my favourite bands, but I think they're especially lovely during low times - currently I'm hooked on "Tenenbaum", which is one of their older songs, but certainly no less good. Do give them a listen if you have the chance. They are wonderful.

How was your weekend, lovelies? Let's chat in the comments - I want to hear about it. x

love, Topaz

Me Me Me Monday (39)

Hi everyone!

I'm so sorry for missing Friday Poetry last week - I was actually quite excited to share a poem with you guys, but my mood just plummeted when I woke up in the morning (and with it, my motivation to do anything but collapse into bed once I came home from school). Oh well - I suppose you can always look forward to reading it this week instead!

Unfortunately, after a bleh Friday, the rest of the weekend continued in much the same fashion. I almost had a panic attack yesterday - the good news is I had my medicine on me so I was able to stop it before it happened, but still. Too close for comfort. (And on top of that, one of the people who was with me told me to "just get over it", which, as one might imagine, did not help my inclination to strangle him right then and there.)

It turns out I'm also physically sick - I'd been feeling dizzy and nauseous yesterday, and then today it was so bad I could barely get out of bed. Long story short: I've been instructed by the doctor to stay home tomorrow so I that can rest. It's rather demotivating, especially since I have a multitude of tests + homework to catch up on - but for now, all I can do is focus on getting better, I suppose.

Something that's definitely been helping, though, is marathoning lovely, happy songs! I'm currently listening to "Open Season" by High Highs on repeat - it has such a calming vibe, and the refrain of all in your mind / it is all in your mind is quite prudent right about now.

In readerly news: I finished Quiet and I am Malala over the weekend, both of which were incredibly eye-opening and inspiring (and by the way, should you not have read them yet, please drop everything now and go do so). I'm actually in the middle of books at the moment, but I'm really in the mood for something sweet and fluffy, so if anyone has suggestions, do drop them in the comments box - I'm stopping by the library on Wednesday, so I'm looking forward to reading ALL THE FLUFF. ;)

Some other nice things that happened over the weekend:

i. I saw Disney's Cinderella for the second time, and it was just as beautiful as the first time around. ii. An old friend reached out to me, so we got a chance to Skype and catch up with each other. iii. I discovered the scientific name for a llama - Lama glama - and subsequently proceeded to repeat it over and over for the next half hour, until my sister threw a pillow in my face. ;)

How was your weekend, everyone? Let's chat in the comments!

love, Topaz

Me Me Me Monday (37)

Hi lovelies!

I am back from the absolutely gorgeous New Zealand! You know I was really, really looking forward to the trip, but I must say, it just completely blew all my expectations out of the water. So many wide open spaces - and mountains, glaciers, hot springs, geisers, oceans. I am a self-confessed non-photographer, but I couldn't help taking so many photos. 

And the cities. Oh, goodness. Sometimes I forget that I live in an urban metropolis - Singapore is, after all, an extremely new country, and as such, it feels almost too perfect at times. Stepping into cities that have weathered so many more struggles than we have - and come out alive and all the better because of it - was such a timely reminder of the tenacity of humanity.

Is it possible to be homesick for a home that's not yours?

In fact, I've actually been back in Singapore for the past week, but alas, things have been rough on the mental health side ever since I came home. I thought it would probably be more prudent to take a bit of a break before venturing online - if you're on Tumblr, you might have seen me there sporadically, but that's really about it.

I'm back now, though, and quite ready to be a bit more constant online. (Just a heads-up: I have attempted to reply to as many emails as possible, but I'm still woefully behind on that, so please forgive some delay.)

Here are some lovely things that have been happening, because a little positivity can never go amiss:

i. The April showers have arrived in full force. They're wonderfully relaxing + inspiring. ii. I'm making music, after an unintended break. Picking up a guitar again is the best feeling. iii. Hachii is much happier these days. I think he tends to get lonely when we are not around. iv. Even with all the rain lately, the sun still refuses to stop shining.

Have a beautiful week, everyone - I'll see you tomorrow!

love, Topaz