Firstly, may I just say—thank you so, so much for all the love last night. I'm so happy that you liked the Frozen Hearts cover; your comments made me smile so much.
This week's Friday Poetry was written, actually, last Friday. Fun fact: this was inspired by a line from the sequel to FH (it's paraphrased in the first three lines of the ninth stanza).
It's called “Things You'll Learn from Losing Him”, and I hope you like it. As always, please do leave your thoughts in the comments—I'd love to hear your opinions. xx
Things You'll Learn from Losing Him
love isn’t always beautiful.
sometimes it’s terrible and sometimes
it’s the ugliest thing in the world,
but the worst part is when it hurts
so badly you can’t breathe from the
weight of it sitting in your chest,
because that’s when you know it’s real.
I’ve been through it all before, darling,
and you need to know: just because the tears
don’t come, it doesn’t mean the hurt isn’t there.
sometimes you hurt so badly that it’s like
your body is struggling too hard with the
mere act of living to bother with tears.
so please don’t blame yourself for sitting in the dark
and wishing for dry sobs to turn into something more,
because it’s easy to tell people you’re okay
but it’s harder to believe it yourself
and sometimes no one will ever understand how
not okay you are – but maybe that’s alright.
maybe that just means that when they ask
it’s time to say no, for once.
(lying to yourself is never a good thing to do, anyway.)
I’ve felt that pit you’re feeling right now
in the bottom of your stomach, that gaping hole
that ache for something you’re not quite sure
ever existed, and you can’t name it yet, can you?
you don’t know what it is, but I’ll give you a hint:
that’s loneliness you’re feeling, tearing, aching loneliness
but it will go away someday, and even though
someday might seem too far into the future,
it will come. I promise.
because loving yourself is a learned skill.
at times you just want somebody to tell you that
you are too amazing for words,
but the only person who might have is
the only one who isn’t there anymore
but counting the seconds minutes hours at
3:27-28-29-30 AM will not bring anything back,
real or imagined or whatever once lay in between,
and the world is generally silent at 3:27-28-29-30 AM
so it is the perfect time to say out loud to yourself
that you are too amazing for words,
because loving yourself is a learned skill so
it’s best to start learning as quickly as possible.
by the way, darling, the rain is comforting,
and the tears, when they come at last, will be cleansing.
it doesn’t mean you hurt any less, but it does mean
that at least you know the sky is hurting just as much
as you are.
and there has yet to be a time when the sun didn’t
come out after a rainstorm. after rainstorms, though,
there are always puddles to splash in, and even when
memories threaten to overtake everything you can
hopscotch through miniatures pools of water and maybe
that will help just a little bit, to hear your own laughter
after so many days of tears
and darling, there is a certain beauty in a shattered heart –
so perhaps it will never be easy, drawing breaths that
slice your lungs in half. perhaps it will never be easy,
navigating the world without him by your side, but
perhaps turning tears into ink flowing onto a blank page
will come more naturally. and perhaps that will make it
a little easier.
and love isn’t always beautiful, but
oh, darling, loneliness isn’t always ugly either.
sometimes it’s gorgeous. sometimes it’s the most
breathtaking sight you’ve ever set your eyes on,
and the best part is when you’ve moved past it,
when you’re standing on your own two feet and you
can look back and realise that maybe his chapter was
a wonderful one, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t
even better words in your future,
the best part is when you’ve relearned how to laugh
at your own distorted reflection in puddles, and the
best part is when the tears have stopped at last and you
can look back and say I loved him with everything I had,
and because of him I love myself even more –
that’s when you know it was real.