Friday Poetry: "Thoughts of You"

Hello friends! It appears I've survived the first week of school, and despite the alarming lack of writing time, it actually went quite well. I have minimal homework, so I'm planning on spending most of tomorrow at the library catching up on Frozen Hearts and other various writerly endeavours.

This week's Friday Poetry was meant to be posted last week, but unfortunately the Internet played up on me and I wasn't able to share it with you. Nevertheless, here it is once more—second time lucky, hopefully?—with minor revisions. I've been experimenting with staggering stanzas over periods of time to show the progression of emotions, and I hope you enjoy this. Please do let me know what you think. As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated.

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone! xx

 

Thoughts of You

it is 3:27 am, and thoughts of you
are killing me.

you see, the bed is so much bigger
without your presence to fill it up, and the
hours spent staring at the water stains on the
ceiling grow longer and longer, because it
seems that dawn's pink rays are sleeping in
and if I turned my head right now, perhaps
your shadow would be plastered against the wall
a reminder of the shadows of words I never
quite managed to voice,

because darling, there was always an intensity
about you, a fire in your eyes that I never saw waver
and it made my tongue clumsy and knew the secret to
sending my heart's speedometer soaring
of course, I never imagined that I would be the one
to get burnt by it,

but here I am,
and it is 4:06 am, and thoughts of you
are killing me.

sometimes I think you saved my life just by
being there when everyone else was swept
away, and sometimes I think maybe that’s not true,
maybe it was me that saved yours,

but you loved like you fought, fast and fierce
and with a wildness that fuelled that spark
that insatiable glimmer of starlight in your eyes
and the stars are not out tonight, but all the same
I find myself wondering if perhaps we could have
been a constellation, a legend of two people who
jumped too high and fell too hard and missed
each other's arms—

but it’s too late now,
because it is 5:59 am, and thoughts of you
are killing me.

and I’m running out of words to tell you
to show you this empty ache in my chest where
you should be, and darling, is this another thing
that you’ve stolen from me? the feeling that
I am whole, that there is nothing left to want?

I love(d) you, by the way, except all those
times we whispered it to each other, maybe
we were just lying to ourselves. maybe there
was nothing we could have done to save each other
from our own demons, and maybe despite what
the four walls of this room your room and so
many motels think—

maybe it was just never meant to be.

and all the maybes can pile up one on
top of the other, but they won’t matter,
because it is 6:11 am, and thoughts of you
are killing me.

but I’ve tried navigating the world without
you by my side, and I’ve learned that I can
stand on my own two feet, have learned that
I don’t need to lean on you—
but that doesn’t mean I don’t wish I still could
and there’s no one now to ask why, but
I’ve turned it over in my head so many times that
it doesn’t sound like a word anymore.
and darling, tell me this: was it because I was
a dying star, and you—you were a galaxy?

and the cotton candy light of dawn is filtering through
the windows, and time dances out of my desperate
grasp, because birds are singing anew even though
the storm has far from passed—

and it is 7:02 am, and oh, darling,
thoughts of you
are killing me.