Friday Poetry: “Canvas”

Scrawled 19 December, 2014 & stored in Writing

Hi everyone!

I woke up at 12:30 PM today and I don’t think I have slept that long since, like, ever. Winter break is an incredible feeling, oh my goodness. :D

I’m going downtown to see Interstellar this weekend, which I’m very very excited about – I’ve read some awesome reviews and apparently it’s great fun, so I can’t wait! Also, in even more important news, the whole website-to-blog remodel is beginning as soon as I publish this post. Don’t be alarmed if you can’t access the blog this weekend – never fear, it’s just me finalising the changes! And if you really need to contact me, please feel free to do so through email or Twitter.

This week’s Friday Poetry was actually written last week, except exams suck so unfortunately I didn’t get a chance to post it. I’d had the third stanza in my notebook for quite some time, so I thought I might as well just play around with it and see what direction I could take it in. I’m not entirely sure I love the end result – I’ve changed the last stanza so many times – but I would love to hear what you guys think! :D Feel free to leave your comments and interpretations below.

Have a lovely weekend, everyone!

love,
Topaz

Canvas

once upon a time, an artist loved you
and he made birds grow in your eyes and
flowers bloom from your chest.

he used your blood as ink and your bones as
the finest pen. his hands silvery-soft like a river,
like a star, and if you’d forgotten the way back
home, he drew you a new path. the sound of
sorrow filled your aching lungs, but he took the
broken violins in your veins and turned them into
a symphony.

once upon a time, an artist loved you
and he pulled you apart for the inkwell between
your ribs and the skipping record in your skull.

your song was out of tune, piano keys gathering
dust, palette filled with blacks and greys, but
he loved you fiercely enough that you promised
yourself you could relearn how to speak in colour.
this is how he loved you: with soft surrender,
brushes painting out your sunset song. as he
learned to worship you for the ragged canvas
of your body, you slowly forgot what it meant
to be your own muse.

once upon a time, an artist loved you so deeply
that you were still trying to memorise the song in his
head when his watercolours finally bled you dry.


Big Changes Are Coming!

Scrawled 18 December, 2014 & stored in Blogging

Hi everyone!

MY LAST SET OF EXAMS ARE OVER AT LAST! *bows* Thank you, thank you. Autographs later, please. ;)

But yes, Algebra II Trig and Molecular Biology are officially over, which means winter break is upon us!! :D I’m actually pretty happy with the way those two exams went – I studied pretty hard/stressed out pretty long for both of them, as you guys know, so it’s lovely to have them over and done with at last. Plus, school ended at noon today so I spent the last couple of hours working at the library, which is always fun. (Also they decorated with the kids’ snowmen drawings and one of the librarians brought MOLASSES COOKIES. Books + children + cookies + a ridiculous overflow of Christmas spirit = my happy place.)

I sort of hinted at this in yesterday’s post, but today I have a very very big announcement to share with you involving this website and some changes that are going to be made in the coming days.

But first: some background.

I don’t know if any of you have been here with me since the very, very beginning (almost two years ago, I think – remember the first WordPress-hosted blog with the pink/white/black colour scheme? Kudos if you do! *hands you cookies*). I originally created that blog in order to share my writing and music with you, and I loved the community that grew around it. I made so many wonderful friends and discovered an incredible amount of new blogs, and I couldn’t be more grateful.

After having moved to a self-hosted website, though, I feel like some of that community has disintegrated a little bit. And it’s a shame, especially since the blog is still such a huge part of it, that it’s suddenly become relegated to background information rather than the centrepiece.

So what does that mean for you guys and this website?

I’m taking the huge (HUGE) step of converting this into a full-on blog. The main thing that will entail is a full redesign, so as to fit the purposes better, and a name change. I’m going to be re-organising my tags and categories so that it’s easier to navigate and find what you want to find. Other than that, I’ll also be talking a lot more about not just my writing and music and school things, but also pretty much all of my interests – whether that’s art or design or whatever. I really want this to be a place where all of us can connect not just over the two main things (which still are and will always be writing and music!) but also over other, smaller things that make up my life.

The home page will, therefore, be the blog, which will also make it easier for email subscribers to navigate to the posts they want. Don’t worry, all the other pages will remain intact – you can still check out FH’s blurb whenever you want (since I know that’s a huge part of your daily routine! ;)) and find out ways you can contact me. The URL will stay the same. And once Frozen Hearts comes out, you can bet I’ll be ranting about it over here as usual!

I’ve thought a lot about this over the past couple of months and I really think this is going to be the best decision not only for me, but also for the community around the blog. So over the weekend, I also want to let you guys know that this URL will be down for the majority of the time – you’ll get a splash page if you try to visit. That’s just so I can install the new theme, update information, and test the waters.

You guys, I’m slightly nervous about this but so, so excited. I think you’re going to love the way it turns out, and I can’t wait to share it with you. :D

love,
Topaz


Exams, Exams, and More Exams

Scrawled 17 December, 2014 & stored in Life

Hi guys!

The amount of times I’ve used the word “exam” in my post titles over the past couple of weeks is absolutely ridiculous and I am so sorry. :P But yeah, I really don’t have much to say apart from the above – my entire day today was spent revising for exams. I have my last two tomorrow, and of course they HAD to be my hardest – Molecular Biology and Algebra II Trig. Honestly I’m a lot more nervous about the former, since rumour has it the latter is ridiculously easy.

Yeah. We’ll see about that.

But yes, I promise this is going to be my last post title containing “exams” for a good long while! Actually, tomorrow I have some exciting/scary news to share with you (it was going to be today, but then I looked at the pile of MoBio revision waiting for me and was like, nope, better not).Cross your fingers/toes/knees/intestines that I don’t fail this, you guys. ;)

See you tomorrow, lovelies!

love,
Topaz


Fanfic: “Amethyst”

Scrawled 16 December, 2014 & stored in Writing

Hi everyone!

Chinese (one of my hardest exams!) is over and done with, and I’m quite relieved about that. There were some tech issues, which was slightly scary because it looked like we might not get them resolved, but it all worked out in the end and our teacher managed to figure out what was going wrong! So now the majority of my exams are over, which is AWESOME. All I have left are Molecular Biology + Algebra II Trig, but those are both on Thursday. I still have tomorrow to chill + study + get some much-needed sleep, since no exams means I get to stay home. :D

Today I’m sharing a fanfic I wrote over the weekend in between studying – it was a lovely stress reliever, since, as you guys know, I love writing fanfiction. Certainly not as writerly intensive as original work, but a lot more fun! This one’s a Supernatural fic (any fans around here? Come hither and fangirl with me!), and I quite enjoyed writing it.

Those of you who watch the show will know that it’s slightly depressing at times, but this is pretty much just an exercise in fluffiness, because that’s how I roll. ;) Here’s the description:

Sam’s getting married to the love of his life, which is great and all, except the happy couple is absolutely hopeless at wedding planning. Which, of course, leaves it up to the long-suffering best man/future brother-in-law/best big brother in the world to play damage control and pull together a kickass wedding in six months… with the help of a pretentious, blue-eyed, Taylor Swift-listening asshole who Dean may or may not be falling in love with. Purple arguments, stolen cakes, and hijinks ensue.

Also, have an excerpt!

“She said lilac, Dean.”

“Hell no. She said mauve.”

Castiel sighs gustily. “You barely know the difference between navy and black. I am telling you, she said lilac.”

Dean bristles. “Just ‘cause I own a leather jacket and drive a badass car does not mean I don’t know what my soon-to-be-sister-in-law wants for her bridesmaids’ dresses. She said mauve.”

“You are simply afraid of being wrong.”

“No, you’re too stubborn to admit that you are.”

“Your memory is affected.”

“Shut up! You don’t know me!” Dean says. It’s pathetic even to his ears.

“She said lilac,” Castiel repeats.

They end up going with amethyst, which, in Dean’s opinion, is a prettier colour than lilac or mauve anyway. When the bridesmaids’ dresses are delivered, the girls love them and Jess is delighted.

“Thank you so much for arranging this, you guys,” she says. “The colour is gorgeous.”

Castiel and Dean shoot each other dirty looks.

“I maintain that she said lilac,” Castiel hisses, and before Dean can retort, he’s being pulled away by Jess to coo over how beautiful the bridesmaids look in their amethyst dresses.

As always, skip over this one if you’re not comfortable with the language – the main character does swear a lot canonically, so I had to include it! ;) But if you’re looking for a bit of a stress reliever from exams/life in general, please do give it a read – it’s around 6k words, I believe. I’d love to hear your thoughts! x

love,
Topaz


Me Me Me Monday (25)

Scrawled 15 December, 2014 & stored in Life

Hey guys!

Argh, I’ve missed SO MANY POSTS lately, it’s ridiculous. :P I got home pretty late on Friday and then I spent the whole night studying for exams, so alas, I did not have a chance to post Friday Poetry (which kinda sucks, because I was looking forward to sharing it with you guys!). But it is indeed exam week, which means that after this week I get to devote a lot more time to blogging. :D Can’t wait for that!

I mostly spent the weekend studying, which means I didn’t get to really go out at all except to the library, so that was… fun. :P I had my first World Studies exam today, and then tomorrow there’s World Studies again as well as Chinese. Honestly, WS is pretty easy (I mean, it’s history + English, which are pretty much my best subjects), but I am slightly worried about Chinese. Wish me luck on that!

Ooh, but I did discover some AWESOME music over the weekend that I’ve pretty much been marathoning because this guy is incredible and his lyrics are beyond perfect. :D His stage name is Sleeping At Last (if that’s not the coolest thing ever, you’re lying), and this is probably my favourite song so far:

It’s called “Turning Page” and it is gorgeous.

And if you’re looking for an inspiration boost to start your week, I so enjoyed reading this post from Ella @ Sick and Sick of It on why it’s so important to be kind. She has such a wonderful viewpoint on life despite all the hardships she has been/is going through, and it’s lovely to see.

I also got to do some writing over the weekend!! (Are you guys proud of me? :D) A bit of FH editing, but mostly it was just fanfiction – it was a nice way to take a break from the stress of studying. So I’ll be sharing that with you guys later in the week, along with a brand new photoshoot and tips on how to market, requested by Alyssa @ Insanity Inc.!

Busy, busy week up ahead, both with exams and blogging. Just three more days of studying, though (we have Friday off!), and then… freedom. :D How was your weekend, guys? Are my fellow students doing okay with your exams? Is everybody getting ready for Christmas?! (TEN MORE DAYS AHHHHH)

Let’s chat in the comments!

love,
Topaz


Three Days till Exams!

Scrawled 11 December, 2014 & stored in Life

Hey all!

Going to make this a short post, seeing as it’s almost midnight and I still have quite a bit of work to do. Finals are looming ever nearer – the good news is I have both my Musical Theatre and Self Defence exams out of the way (and both went pretty well, which is awesome!). My World Studies exam spans three days, beginning tomorrow, but I’m not really too worried about that – more about Chinese, Algebra II Trig, and Molecular Biology (also known as my hardest classes). I do have both A2T and MoBio finals on the very last day, though, so that’s maximum time to study – yay!

Not much FH work got done today, but I’m trying not to be too bummed about that, since the pub date is now pushed back and I can probably relax a little – or at least until exams are over. Which is in three days. As the title of this post indicates. Hopefully I don’t completely go round the bend until then, but I will keep you guys updated. ;)

Also, the cookies I made yesterday are delicious. Just putting that out there!

Right then, that’s all for today! I haven’t written Friday Poetry for this week yet, so I am very much looking forward to seeing what I can come up with tomorrow. Night, everyone!

love,
Topaz


Postponed Again

Scrawled 10 December, 2014 & stored in Writing

Hi lovelies.

I’ve been putting off writing this post for quite some time now, and it’s part of the reason I’ve been so stressed out lately. But I’ve come to a decision, and after talking it through with some of the people who have been the most supportive of FH and my work, I really think it’s the right one both for me and for you guys.

So, as you might have guessed by the title of this post, the Frozen Hearts publication date is not, in fact, going to be this year.

I had scheduled it for December 23rd, but at this point I’m looking at the book and the current state it’s in and I can tell you guys for a fact that it’s not going to be ready. Which sucks, because I was on track for publication on the 23rd and I’d planned out my whole editing schedule, but then exams kicked down the door and I’m kind of floundering when it comes to working.

As you might know, this is the second time we’re postponing publishing, and it’s possibly even worse than the first time because we are so close, you guys. If I just had a week to myself, I could probably power through the whole thing and get it to you by the 23rd, as a bit of an early Christmas present.

The thing is, though: I don’t have a week. And I’m only human.

But you see, while one part of me wants to curl into a ball and cry, there’s another part that is almost happy about this. I’ve worked so, so hard on this book and I think you guys know that, so I’m really trying to look at this as just another obstacle to get over. There have certainly been enough of those, and I know there’s going to be more in the future.

So what’s the plan now?

Honestly, I have absolutely no idea.

I think I’m going to put editing on hold until after exams are over, since I’m already overworked as it is and any editing I do get done is really not going to be the best. After that it’s winter break. And my family is not traveling. So basically, that translates to not one, but three weeks all to myself.

Am I promising anything?

No way. You know how life goes – see the thing I mentioned about obstacles.

Am I really, really hoping for something?

Well. When am I ever not hoping?

So yes. This situation is not the best one I’ve ever been in. I’m disappointed and slightly angry with myself and I am so sorry for letting you guys down. But also, I have to remember this: it’s not all bad. Exams totally and completely suck and I really wish I was faster at editing, but in 10 days it will all be over, and – well. We’ll see what happens then, won’t we?

love,
Topaz


Stress Rant!

Scrawled 9 December, 2014 & stored in Life

Hi everyone,

So I was right: this week is turning out to be very, very long. And it’s not even Wednesday yet. *deep sigh*

Here’s something I’ve learned over the years: there are many, many things I am good at. Handling stressful situations is really not one of them.

I’m one of those people who totally and completely shuts down under stress, and I have a feeling this is what’s happening now. Usually I’m pretty good with managing it – I have my ways to dull it a little, and everything works out. I manage to get writing done and not fail my classes.

But now… not so much. I’m dreading working on Frozen Hearts. I’m dreading studying for exams. I’m even dreading practising guitar, for Pete’s sake. And the worst part is, I’m not even very good at any of them. With FH, I keep missing obvious typos (or worse, making them – when I’m supposed to be editing). You catch my drift – it’s really not the best situation. What’s a girl to do?!

Never fear, though: I came up with a plan that seems relatively feasible! Tomorrow, I’m making cookies and wrapping Christmas presents, which are pretty much the easiest and least stressful activities in the entire world.

EXCEPT.

Except, except, except, while I’m making the cookies I’ll listen to recorded lectures from Molecular Biology. And while I’m wrapping the presents I’ll watch the video tutorials my Algebra II Trig teacher posted on his website. So basically, I can get work done while doing fun things and hopefully I’ll actually be able to sleep.

(In other news, still no FH editing today. You guys, I’m really, really worried about the timing of this. But it’ll all be over in a week and a half, and then it’ll be okay.)

love,
Topaz


Me Me Me Monday (24)

Scrawled 8 December, 2014 & stored in Life

Hey everyone,

May I just disclaim before I begin talking: I can already tell this is going to be a very long and difficult week for me.

As you guys know, it’s the week before exams and the whole world, it seems, is frazzled. Honestly, I’m no exception, except I also have a book I’m trying to edit in between… well, you know, everything else. :P (I’m just thanking my stars that I’m not part of one of the sports teams. They’re traveling this week, and it’s possibly the least convenient time to be doing so.)

Not much editing got done over the weekend, since I had so much homework due and tests to study for – teachers need to fit in the last of their tests for the semester this week. Unfortunately, that also means that I’m kind of losing sleep over Frozen Hearts at this point. Will it be done in time? Will the quality be up to standard? Will I disappoint everybody who’s been waiting for it?! AHHHHH. SO MANY WORRIES. o.o

(Yeah, as you can tell, I’m pretty stressed at the moment.)

Okay, but focusing on the good things that happened over the weekend: I was tagged in another thingie! (Shhh, “thingie” is totally a word.) This time it was by the lovely Daisy for the Christmas tag. Full disclosure: before now, I’d only read a couple of posts on her blog, so it was such a wonderful surprise to be nominated! As you guys know, I don’t do tags, so I’m leaving it open to anybody who wants to jump in and participate. :)

Wish me luck – I have my Musical Theatre final exam tomorrow. It’s possibly the funnest one (shhh, “funnest” is totally a word too), since the entirety of the exam is writing and performing a 15-minute, 3-song musical. My group has worked very, very hard on ours, and I’m excited for the performance!

Hope my fellow students aren’t too stressed out about exams. Eat lots of apples and go to bed early, okay?

love,
Topaz


Friday Poetry: “How to Love a Galaxy”

Scrawled 6 December, 2014 & stored in Writing

Hi all!

Okay, multiple apologies to be made today. Firstly: yesterday. No post. School happened, unfortunately – too much work to do, too many tests to study for, by the time I was actually ready to post it was long past midnight and I was loopy with exhaustion. :P And secondly: WordPress hates me again! I was actually going to post this before midnight today (no, really! I was!), but for some reason it’s acting up – I think it’s the new version that I just installed. I clicked “Publish” about twelve times, but nothing happened, so… crossing my fingers it actually works this time. :P

But anyway! This week’s Friday Poetry was written today – along with quite a few other poems, since I was on a bit of a spree – but this was the one I liked the best, so I decided to share it with you guys. :D Inspired by fictional characters, as so often happens, and quite honestly, it was mostly just an exercise in description for me, haha ;) It’s also ridiculously long, so I’m sorry about that! You perhaps don’t want to read it if you don’t have a good five or ten minutes.

Enjoy, lovelies – be sure to let me know what you think, and I will see you all on Monday, if WordPress allows! x

love,
Topaz

How to Love a Galaxy

he loves like a monsoon, like a tiger lily: fierce
and soft all at once. you think there’s something
more, something bigger than this, but oh god,
you can’t seem to stop thinking about the
gossamer in his gaze. you can’t seem to stop
thinking about how it feels on your skin, how
when he looks at you it seems like something
important is slotting into place.

this you know: you don’t want to love him, but
you can’t help but wonder at how, even after
everything, just one glance feels like enough.

this you know: you don’t want to love him, but
you can’t help but wonder at how, even after
everything, you think you do anyway.

and then one night he says to you, quiet in the
darkness, like you are a secret he wants to keep,
like he is sharing a fragile thing with you:
tell me about the universe.

and you’re nervous, scared of this thing fluttering
between you, of the stars silently glaring down, of
the way he looks at you like your fingers are birds
just growing wings, like his gossamer gaze is boring
holes into your soul, but you open your mouth and
the words come rushing out, tripping over one
another and you can feel his snowflake eyes kissing
your earth, and this is what you say:

you tell him the universe is huge and magnificent,
that it’s incredible and gorgeous and terrifying. you
tell him that you are so insignificant in comparison.
you tell him it’s everything you never knew you needed,
that it’s empty and full all at the same time, that all the
stretching nothingness is not nothingness at all, that
it’s filled with something soft and intangible, something
you don’t know the name of. you tell him that when
it’s dark and foggy outside, you think the universe might
be hugging you with this beautiful, intangible thing.

you tell him sometimes you wish you could hug it back.
you tell him sometimes you want to ask for forgiveness for
not holding it in your arms the way it has always held you.

and you say that the universe is magnificent, that
it’s older than time itself, that it makes your hands
shake and your head spin and when you look up at it,
you don’t know what hit you. you tell him the universe is
the best song you’ve ever heard, that it’s the only lullaby
that’s ever been able to rock you to sleep. you tell him
that when you feel like slipping through the cracks,
sometimes the storm-tossed sea sings to you and you
think maybe it’s the universe reminding you that you
have as much right to be a part of it as anyone else.

you tell him that the universe whispers in hurricanes
and screams in golden sunshine, and you tell him that
sometimes you think you’re the only one who can
understand it. you tell him there are times when you
want to scream and cry and beat at it, stick a pin in the
starry sky and watch it deflate just like you’ve come
so close to doing so many times. you tell him what he
already knows: that the sky has never once succumbed
to the love-turned-hate you don’t know how to feel.

and then you stop, and there’s silence, and when he
kisses you it’s soft and quiet and you think he can
understand what you’re not saying: that perhaps you
weren’t talking about the universe at all. perhaps all
along you were talking about something else, and you
are breathing the same air as he is, under the same
canopy of wind and moonlight, and perhaps there is
something so much more tangible between you than
the thing you once called nothingness. if he loves like
monsoon season, like tiger lilies and hurricanes
and golden sunshine, then perhaps the something more
you’ve been searching for is buried deep inside a part
of your heart you’re too afraid to give up.

this you know: you don’t want to love him, but
you can’t help but wonder at how, even after
everything, the only universe you’ve ever wanted
has always been made up of the stars in his eyes.